Functionals: People getting paid to generate work for the technicals!!

The most important thing I want to say before i start is that all characters in this blog are fictitious. Any resemblance to real people (Visible or Invisible) is purely coincidental. Also this is dedicated to Anil, Binay, Sushant and Sandeep, the four pillers of CG JD Edwards practice.

This is a small part of the eternal fight that's being taking place between the logical community (techies) and the Illogical community (Funcies) of the JD Edwards world. Am sure such conflicts happen as in other universes also but in JDE world we only need to maintain a maximum of 30% utilization unlike the minimum of 100% of others. So we get time to blog about the inequalities of our world.

We often have discussions on the importance of each group during our MANY private meeting, majority of them in the closely monitored cubicles surrounded by super-efficient techies. So to make you understand how it actually goes, I'll illustrate this with a good example. Let the Funci be IM (Invisible man) and the Techi be LM (Logical Man)

LM: Wazzup Guys? (Techies socialize a lot)

IM: Saala, abhi bhi zinda hai? (They don't want us to live, but want us to work)

LM: No work? As usual sitting idle doing nothing? As much expected from a Funci who gets paid to torture Techies.

IM: Hum log nahi hothe tho dekh lete, thum log ke paas karne ko kuch nahi hote (Very true.. without funcies, it would have been a heavily paid job for doing nothing)

LM: We know. If you guys don't do any blunder, what rework will we do? The major part of the income of the software industry is because (not by) of the Functional guys. They understand everything wrong, and make the techies do it wrong even when the techies know its wrong (refer discussion 2, also since Funcies consider themselves to be the most sophisticated and intelligent creatures, they rather make the techies do the rework rather than listen to them when they are right). And for what purpose? So that more rework will come and more revinue is generated.

IM: Hum log nahi hote tho clients ka requirement kaise samajthe? (As if we don't know English)

LM: Hum log samajne jaathe, to sirf work hota, rework nahi

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And as expected from any discussion involving logic at one end, this is never converted to an argument and also truth (logic) always wins!

There are few other discussions that illustrates the basic crux and those will be published from time to time as comments as it happens. I thank Mr. Patel for providing valuable inputs on which these are based.

Discussion 2:

LM2: Yes I will do it, it's logical

IM1: No No don't do this, client will be happy, do this I should be happy even if it’s illogical

Discussion 3:

Case 1: (When there is pending work)

IM1: We have to do it

LM2: Yes

LM work like donkey and completes the work.

Case 2: (Work Completed)

LM1: I have done it

IM2: [blank face] There is a slight change in the requirement

Happy Married Life: A theoretical blunder

Cautionary Warning: If you lack commonsense or sense of humor, don’t bother reading this. I wrote this not for the morons but for witty guys.

I was actually trying to write on "How marriage sucks the happiness out of every person" but realized in a team meeting involving majority of them (by them, I mean the unhappy people) that it was not a good idea to hurt their emotions and also that this might end up harming (physically) me instead. By hurting the emotions, I meant that they are already getting accustomed to their life and even a slight ray of false hope or real enlightenment might turn everything upside down. Not that I didn't mean to do it, but they are my friends after all.

From what I observed till now, in life, happiness and sadness are both two faces of the same coin, without one the other is meaningless. If you are a bachelor and really think that you are screwed beyond anything possible, just look at the married man sitting near you and you'll understand how easy and free your life is. This reminds me of a friend of mine, whose name I dare not speak. He, though not married yet, still understands the meaning of "lack of freedom". Poor chap recently got engaged and now has to take permission from his fiancé before taking any action (by that I mean even before washing his hands before food). Now a day he just thinks and talks about just one topic: “if so now, what later (after marriage)?”

Another best part of marriage is, there is no "other side of the river is always green”, it’s just “this side of the river is always dry". Everyone tends to understand how much dry the other side of the river might be. And also when they give condolences, it’s always comes from deep within the heart. They are able to sympathize as they have also travelled in the same boat before, and are still travelling in fact.

Few months after marriage these people tend to justify everything, even when unasked for. After being asked explanation for each and everything they do at home, it becomes a habit and they can't let go off that even when they are having a lunch with friends or having a discussion with clients. In some worse cases, they start asking too much questions. Questions that have the obvious answers, still they have no other option but to ask.

The main topics of discussion for the unhappy people vary from the food they made to the clothes they washed. As free-will, free-thinking and free-speech is a blasphemy after marriage, these people are never able to discuss on any worthy topic like Black-holes or curvature of space-time continuum or even politics. All they can think about are ways to channelize the pressurized frustration they have accumulated in their long run.

Bad thing about them is they never tend to disclose the depth of their pain in front of bachelors. They always tend to say that live a very happy life, but many a times I have seen their eyes all watering up while talking, may be because they realized how peaceful their life was before marriage. I seriously think that, after being unable to share their innermost sorrows and fright for so long, they become trained disciplined zombies (Just eat and move) who just work and behave socially.

Once we asked an unhappy guy what he thinks is the biggest advantage of marriage is? And his answer was Discipline. He said you lose your free will and ends up doing only approved things at the approved time that you turn out to be a disciplined (pupil). Also, according to him we don't need to provide military training till the concept of marriage lasts in our society. In the beginning he was joking, later on we realized that he was dead serious after seeing pearls of tears on his cheek. Another example he gave about enjoyments in marriage is a story as follows:

There was a man who never listened to music. He always loved movies and drama and all the colors of light. Then one day an accident happened and he lost his vision. He was bored to hell and had nothing to do. Then as this continued, he had no choice but to listen to music as it was the only available mode of entertainment left for him. In the long run he started enjoying music. Now in case of every unhappy man, the accident is his or her marriage. By the time they realize that it was an accident, they are too late and miles away from recovery.

Some cases we have even observed that, people after suffering for long, tend to lose the difference between Real and Imaginary. I assume that this is caused because of the asynchronism between their Dreams and Realities they face after marriage. Such cases they usually start laughing when they are sad or being punished (We haven’t observed the other way round as for them it’s an imaginary concept)

So the final conclusion is –

Marriage is just like Coma, except that you feel pain in the initial stages.

As suggested by a close friend of mine, who seems to share similar thoughts, to make the views clear, I've embedded a video of Pearl Jam. And noobs, please don't worry lyrics are included.