JD Edwards: The first hardware-independent ERP

Don’t take the subject line the literal way, what I mean to say is independent of the configuration of the system on which we install JDE fat client, it always runs slow (JDE guys – You know the truth, Others – Please take this the humorous way, after all it’s a known fact that JD Edwards is the first as well as the best ERP and also first in all sorts of breakthroughs). The best example to illustrate this phenomenon is “Sandy’s Calculator”. 

For the simple minded people, to understand the concept of Sandy’s Calculator let me elaborate on the salient features of this magical box:

1. The only Window’s based system where the remote desktop applications are accessed faster than the kernel applications.
2. You can never use outlook on this system. There are a few interesting theories behind this  
   a) It takes an hour to boot. so there is no other option but to
       use some other system to check the mails when you get to
       office.
   b) If it’s some urgent mail you have to send, there is no
       guarantee that you will be able to send or that the mail will
       move from your outbox to your send mails
   c) You cannot use Outlook in this system because if you run
       Outlook, that will be the only process that’s actually running
       on the system.
3. If you have no Citrix client installed, forget remote desktop. RDA is too heavy for the calculator. (All thanks to Microsoft processes which consumes RAM as if all computers are supercomputers)
4. The time required for the boot is very much in sync with the time required for the shutdown, so no one can actually afford to shut it down until and unless the only thing you do in office is switch on the system and shutdown it down (ideal for certain people).
5. No one is sure if this laptop has any inbuilt speakers as the only sound we ever heard was the sound of the rattling fan striking on the borders of the laptop base.
6. You cannot use any IDEs because of the system configurations. So you have to be an expert coder as all you can use is notepad. And also please forget compiling. That might just be the last thing you ever do on the calculator.
7. The last time Sandy took that to ITICS, the technical guy literally cried and sandy ended up offering him a kerchief. He even offered Sandy another laptop and offered to display the antique in the annual fest organized by Capgemini University History Division but sandy refused because of the sentimental memories involved.
8. In order to use the keyboard, you have to be thoroughly familiar with the typewriter or else you might end up with broken finger bones.

The only reason I (we) call it the Sandy’s Calculator and not the Sandy’s Abacus is because, unlike Abacus it consumes electricity though the work done by both is nearly the same.

So coming back to JD Edwards’s performance, the quality of work done on the "above mentioned calculator" and on any other "new-age computer" is exactly the same for JDE. It seldom shows any partiality. Few days back in order to understand some flow / setup of JDE (am not sure), everyone was busy on the local systems. But to everyone’s astonishment, Sandy came up with the solution (It’s not a big deal considering how much a patient freaky genius he is - No he is a technical by soul not a funci) after working on that abacus I mean Calculator. So the only possible conclusion other than JD Edwards being hardware independent is, JD Edwards is not from this plain of our universe and that makes it unpredictable to us. But since that’s too much, the only possible conclusion is – Sandy has crossed over from an alternate universe but into the wrong timeline.