Happy Married Life: A theoretical blunder

Cautionary Warning: If you lack commonsense or sense of humor, don’t bother reading this. I wrote this not for the morons but for witty guys.

I was actually trying to write on "How marriage sucks the happiness out of every person" but realized in a team meeting involving majority of them (by them, I mean the unhappy people) that it was not a good idea to hurt their emotions and also that this might end up harming (physically) me instead. By hurting the emotions, I meant that they are already getting accustomed to their life and even a slight ray of false hope or real enlightenment might turn everything upside down. Not that I didn't mean to do it, but they are my friends after all.

From what I observed till now, in life, happiness and sadness are both two faces of the same coin, without one the other is meaningless. If you are a bachelor and really think that you are screwed beyond anything possible, just look at the married man sitting near you and you'll understand how easy and free your life is. This reminds me of a friend of mine, whose name I dare not speak. He, though not married yet, still understands the meaning of "lack of freedom". Poor chap recently got engaged and now has to take permission from his fiancé before taking any action (by that I mean even before washing his hands before food). Now a day he just thinks and talks about just one topic: “if so now, what later (after marriage)?”

Another best part of marriage is, there is no "other side of the river is always green”, it’s just “this side of the river is always dry". Everyone tends to understand how much dry the other side of the river might be. And also when they give condolences, it’s always comes from deep within the heart. They are able to sympathize as they have also travelled in the same boat before, and are still travelling in fact.

Few months after marriage these people tend to justify everything, even when unasked for. After being asked explanation for each and everything they do at home, it becomes a habit and they can't let go off that even when they are having a lunch with friends or having a discussion with clients. In some worse cases, they start asking too much questions. Questions that have the obvious answers, still they have no other option but to ask.

The main topics of discussion for the unhappy people vary from the food they made to the clothes they washed. As free-will, free-thinking and free-speech is a blasphemy after marriage, these people are never able to discuss on any worthy topic like Black-holes or curvature of space-time continuum or even politics. All they can think about are ways to channelize the pressurized frustration they have accumulated in their long run.

Bad thing about them is they never tend to disclose the depth of their pain in front of bachelors. They always tend to say that live a very happy life, but many a times I have seen their eyes all watering up while talking, may be because they realized how peaceful their life was before marriage. I seriously think that, after being unable to share their innermost sorrows and fright for so long, they become trained disciplined zombies (Just eat and move) who just work and behave socially.

Once we asked an unhappy guy what he thinks is the biggest advantage of marriage is? And his answer was Discipline. He said you lose your free will and ends up doing only approved things at the approved time that you turn out to be a disciplined (pupil). Also, according to him we don't need to provide military training till the concept of marriage lasts in our society. In the beginning he was joking, later on we realized that he was dead serious after seeing pearls of tears on his cheek. Another example he gave about enjoyments in marriage is a story as follows:

There was a man who never listened to music. He always loved movies and drama and all the colors of light. Then one day an accident happened and he lost his vision. He was bored to hell and had nothing to do. Then as this continued, he had no choice but to listen to music as it was the only available mode of entertainment left for him. In the long run he started enjoying music. Now in case of every unhappy man, the accident is his or her marriage. By the time they realize that it was an accident, they are too late and miles away from recovery.

Some cases we have even observed that, people after suffering for long, tend to lose the difference between Real and Imaginary. I assume that this is caused because of the asynchronism between their Dreams and Realities they face after marriage. Such cases they usually start laughing when they are sad or being punished (We haven’t observed the other way round as for them it’s an imaginary concept)

So the final conclusion is –

Marriage is just like Coma, except that you feel pain in the initial stages.

As suggested by a close friend of mine, who seems to share similar thoughts, to make the views clear, I've embedded a video of Pearl Jam. And noobs, please don't worry lyrics are included.